The The Colbert Report Report

On Monday, Melissa and I were joined by our good friends Ed and Jess on a trip to The Big Apple™ to see a taping of The Colbert Report. With the kids safe and warm with Mawm & Pawp, this Iconic foursome met up here at Casa de Us and quickly hit the road.

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We just made it on to our train in Trenton with mere moments to spare, though we lost valuable seconds when Melissa pulled an extremely rare Total Me™ and tried to insert her credit card into the cash slot of the ticket machine. Just shows to go you...spend enough time around me, and even the brightest of girls will occasionally dim. (I mention this only because such occurrences are so very infrequent, and because I tend to forget things in my old age.)

A lovely chat on one of those superb, SEPTA-sodomizing double-decker trains later, we were in New York. As we walked those familiar, stinky streets, Ed rocked his Dance Moms "Awful Woman" impression.



Pretty damn good. I've never seen the show, as I find the subject matter horrifying. Anyway, we hadn't allowed ourselves nearly as much time as we'd need to make it to 30 Rock, visit both Nintendo World and the NBC store, find food, then still reach the line for Colbert by 5:30...so, we just ate and took our time.

For those keeping score at home, I had an entire beer. It was banana-flavored. These are the lengths to which beer must go to interest me.

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The beer in this image was not banana-flavored. I did not finish it.

Um...so. We ate, we chatted, we laughed, we peed...then we hiked. When we reached the intersection from which Letterman's studio was visible, someone noticed a storefront sign that said "Pie." Though we were stuffed, we had to check it out.

Because, pie.

On our way down the sidewalk, we walked around a gaggle of photographers waiting by the door from which it was pretty clear a celebrity would at some point be emerging. While people were lined up across the street, no one stopped us or seemed to very much care that we were there. But...we didn't have time to wait around for (checks last night's Letterman guests) HOLY CRAP, J-LO WAS IN THERE?!!!! They sure as hell weren't waiting for Rob Schneider. James McCartney? Ehhh, I'm still going to guess it was Ms. Lopez.

Where was I? Oh, right. We didn't wait around for who turned out to be J-Lo to saunter out. Our adorable posse plodded onward, past good ol' Rupert, hard at work in the Hello Deli, toward what would turn out to be Pie Face.

Neat. We looked for a few seconds (still very full from lunch), then headed right back down the street, past the studio. We could hear the musical guest performing through the doors, but couldn't figure out who it might be. Turns out, Paul's son. Who looks just freakin' like him. No biggie. We though the voice sounded female, but...unless J-Lo did a musical bit, too, it was just someone being a McCartney.

If only I had Spy Tech!

We made "thank GAWD, another Starbucks" jokes every 10 feet. All day. We may have made more *$'s jokes than we passed stores. Should've counted both. Bah.

Zip ahead. We arrive at the studio for the taping and I present the printed ticket confirmation E-mail to two intern-y kids guarding an alleyway containing a not-terribly-long line of fellow ticket-having show-goers. Shortly after Melissa and I each chatted with Bryan during a promised phone call from "the city," a chirpy girl came through the line, handing out physical passes to get into the show.

Here's what one of the passes looks like:



Who's seeing The Colbert Report?



These guys (or girls)! Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

My pass (laminated old-elementary-school-style) had (naturally) split in half. Secret notes had been scribbled inside!



Brilliant idea!

I certainly did NOT add one. If you're ever in line for Colbert, look for ticket 74 and open 'er up to see the lovingly hand-crafted addition I totally didn't make.



Innocent.



The line started moving. Slowly, we made our way inside, through airport-style security (no joke), shutting down electronic devices and packing into a small holding room/pen. Colbert Report clips played on a TV. Bathrooms and a water cooler existed. It got really warm. We stood for quite a while, giggling at Classic Moments™ and growing slightly twitchier all the time.

Finally, Chirpy Girl hopped up on a surface at the security area and gave a very rehearsed speech about our importance to the show. Several staffers would repeat that we would be "the soundtrack" of the episode, and that Stephen craves our energy like an addict.

Blah blah...ticket numbers were called, and in we went. Four seats later, we were officially representatives of The Colbert Nation for this evening's show! There was a warm-up guy, who just basically ripped on audience members. Stephen came out to say hi and answer a few questions out-of-character, which was neat. I didn't get to ask mine, but it's all good. (Sniff.)



We're somewhere in that yellow circle. Maybe I'll try to find a better crowd shot another time.

The show started with the first-ever seamless transition straight from The Daily Show into The Colbert Report! It didn't seem like Stephen had even seen the finished version of the sketch, yet, because he sat and watched on the set along with us as they rolled it on the monitors (a chase scene between him and Jon Stewart over ownership of the Super PAC), cracking up. It was pretty good.

Anyway, cool non-traditional start to the show. From there, it was vintage Colbert. He had to do a few retakes during The Threatdown, and apologized for our having to laugh at the same jokes several times - but it was fine, because each time he delivered the lines slightly differently, and we were also laughing with him as he knowingly presented old material as new.

You can hear my "WOOOO!" jump the gun a bit at :45 if you watch the segment, because he had to redo the intro, too, and I knew it was coming. Oops. I'm pretty sure I was the Lead Woo™ a few times, as I took advantage of the edits like a damn pro.

Just fun from a TV nerd perspective, too. They begin editing the show as segments are completed, it seems. So, after the entire show, including the interview segment with the man who taught Pres. Obama law at Harvard, he was informed that he'd have to redo one very long and complex Threatdown bit again.

It was, once again, different-funny, and we gamely laughed and cheered him on. Once again.

The taping was awesome. It was really a blast.

No photos or video were allowed, though a shot of the set ended up on my 3DS after the taping, somehow. Weird.

Really Intense People-Moving Dude™, who had been sent to bark scary things at us here and there throughout the experience, pretty much pushed everyone out the door after the taping...and the bathrooms were blocked off. I get it, it's a long day.

From there, we walked back toward Penn Station.



At one point, we stopped at Crumbs for cuppycakes and drinks (hazelnut coffee for me).



Jess and I got The Same God Damn Cupcake™, so here's a cute pick making that official.

Train ride. Aimless wander around the parking lot, Seinfeld-style. Drive home. Good-bye hugs. Jammies. Last 10 minutes of the episode for which we'd just attended the taping. You can watch that show here!

Incredibly fun day with great friends.

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Posted in: Colbert Report,Colbert SuperPAC,Ed,Jess,Melissa,New York City,photo essay,Stephen Colbert,The Daily Show,TV